Year of Faith

It seems to me that The Book of Eli, with its underlying religious themes, makes a good example of various Satanic perspectives.  It shows the strengths of an egotistical and survivalist philosophy, and highlights various criticisms of the Christian religion that are exhibited in Satanism.  While the movie obviously isn’t written with the Church of Satan in mind, and could be interpreted as an example of other religious philosophies, I think that it still shows the strengths of Satanism, as well as the pitfalls that it finds in other faiths.

Warning, hither be spoilers.

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Satanism has shown me the value of fitness.  Before I used to think of exercise as just a tiring bit of nonsense.  I like how I look, and yes I could stand to lose some weight.  But why?  To meet some other person’s standards?  Please.

I’ve been using this month as an excuse to binge, to investigate all of my indulgences, to follow what I’ve desired but never sought.  But this isn’t all what Satanism is about, it’s about being capable, hence being fit.  Satanism is about power.

I didn’t care about exercise because I saw it as something vain.  Now I care about it because it makes me feel like a more practical, powerful human being.  It makes me feel a little closer to godhood.  I can feel myself standing a little taller.  I am starting to feel unabashedly sovereign, like I am the master of my fate, like Lucifer- the morning star, the rising star.

I hope I still feel like this next month.

I never realized that life could be this full.

I’m seeing people that I never usually socialize with, almost every evening is full of new experiences, and I am genuinely enjoying myself.

That sounds weird, right?  It implies that I don’t usually enjoy myself from day to day, and for the last little while I guess that has been true.  But now I feel free, free from my own insecurities, free from second-guessing myself.  I feel empowered- like I could pursue any of my desires.  I was concerned that this month would make me self-centered, that I would feel egotistical and self-important.  At this moment I really couldn’t tell if I’m feeling any of those things.

I feel alive.  I’m exercising more, and kicking myself for not looking into some martial arts courses for this month.  If I had another month to do this I would set up a training regime and look into some books on the official Church of Satan store. Still so much to do.  It’s going to be hard to break these habits next month.

Planning some large purchases for myself at the end of the month, things that I don’t really need but would make me feel good, things I wouldn’t usually get for myself.  Money is tight now, so the actual purchases will be creeping into my month of Taoism, but I figure a bit of bleeding over is fine if my onus for it comes from the appropriate month.

That’s what I’ll be telling myself, anyway.  This might be the only time I have to spoil myself for a while, need to make the most of it.

It’s not like I’ll be able to take any of it with me.

Every third Sunday of January is World Religion Day… apparently.  It is meant to be a day of interfaith talks and relations, orchestrated to bring unity to the human race, stressing what is common between the different faiths of the world.  It is an initiative that was begun in 1950 by the National Spiritual Assembly, a Baha’i organization.  Although the website says, again and again, that this is not a Baha’i event, and is attended by peoples of all faiths, it has all of the trademarks of the Baha’i perspective.  Some of the central tenets of Baha’i are the oneness of God and of religion.  The idea is that God is the same being in every religion, who has sent different envoys throughout history (Moses, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, etc.) to spread his message in a way that is appropriate to the context of each age and country.  So the Sikh, the Jain, the Zoroastrian, all of these people are carrying around ideas that may seem different, but come from a single source.

Satanism is I suppose, by it’s very definition, not included.  I fancy the Satanist in this situation could be much like the Greek goddess Eris at the wedding banquet of Thetis and Peleus.  Uninvited and pissed, the goddess of discord barges in with a golden apple that has engraved in it, “To the fairest one,” and throws it amongst the most vain and callous goddesses of Olympus, who all lay claim to it.  In order to dissuade the celestial cat fight, Zeus appoints the mortal Paris to choose the prettiest of Athena, Aphrodite, and Hera.  They all try to bribe him with various goods, Aphrodite offers him Helen of Troy, he picks to get laid, and we all know how well that worked out for everyone.

But Satan does not exist to create chaos, he is an adversary, a  counterpoint to these faiths, an example of what they tend to vilify and avoid.  So I could get right in and start something here, throw in my proverbial golden apple and dig into that centuries old hate-on these religions can have for one another.  I could talk about the implications of one God spreading very different images of himself and his requirements for being good and faithful to the same people, I could talk about the difference between a religious cause and a political or cultural cause for violence between different groups of people.  I could talk about the sheer masturbatory nature of these kinds of talks and events.  But I think Satan, rather than being the one to crash the interfaith dialogue, would be the one passing it all by to go to the really great party down the road, perhaps the same one that all the hypocritical clergymen and women would sneak into under the security of the night.  The Satanist isn’t concerned with these kinds of things.  The senility of their ideas robs their opinions and stances of any weight, “their words … are scattered, and their mouths are stopped with dust.” Let these people have their spiritual pipe dreams and their conferences, whilst the people who know go out, have fun, and live!

Oh, come with old Khayyam, and leave the wise to talk; one thing is certain, that life flies; one thing is certain, and the rest is lies; the flower that once has blown for ever dies.

-The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, first translation by Edward Fitzgerald

Yesterday I did mushrooms for the first time.

I’m just going to let that sentence hang there, until I get comfortable knowing that I am going to share this with the Internet.  This might take a while.

It was a good experience.  I was with friends, people I trusted and could rely on if things went bad.  I had a couple of ounces, neatly cut up, and chewed with nervous anticipation.  The taste wasn’t overpowering or particularly unpleasant.  They were dry and unremarkable, really, not like the distinctive smell or taste of pot.  But the high I experienced was about the same.

About an hour after I ate my 2 ounces, my compatriots seemed the be having a hell of a time, and I was feeling only sort of buzzed.  So on the advisement of experienced (though admittedly disabled) fellow trippers I did another ounce.  This was a good idea.

Like I said, the high wasn’t unique, it was almost identical to how I’ve felt after smoking or eating pot.  I felt good, sensitive, but never out of control or particularly detached.  No hallucinations.  Just good.

Once the trip subsided I went to a party and had my first clove cigarette, followed throughout the evening by my second and third.  Those things definitely give me a buzz, and combined with a couple of drinks, some pot, and lots of friendly flirting, I maintained a steady warm feeling through the entire evening.  I was happy. It was really quite perfect.

This is not something I would ever do normally.  I don’t begrudge people their chosen intoxicants, and I’ve always been kind of curious, but I’ve never had a reason to really take that step and just enjoy these kinds of things.  Satanism is all about experiencing things that you think, for whatever reason, are forbidden or taboo (so long as no one is harmed) and repeatedly asks the question “Why not?”  I’m still not sure what my hangups about drugs are, because there was definitely a feeling that taking mushrooms was breaking some kind of unspoken rule.  But I took that step on Saturday, and now that I have, I’m glad.  It gave me a chance to talk about the project and reflect upon it with my friends, as well as experience something new and rewarding.  I came away feeling refreshed, relaxed, and eager to keep the project going.

It has definitely been the highest point of the year so far.

Wow.

I should take some time to actually explain what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been feeling this month.  January is almost half over and I haven’t really touched on that yet.  I find myself worrying that I’m not doing enough, that I’m not engaged enough with the religion in my day to day activities.  I’ll find myself washing the dishes, and suddenly think, “How would a Satanist do this?”

And then I realize that this is a stupid thought, and move on.

It’s… odd, at times.  I feel free, or at least much more uninhibited than I usually am.  I don’t overly concern myself with trying to please people, and I don’t feel guilty or awkward about trying to get what I want.  I’m not the leader of the dionsyian parade or anything, but I’m not holding myself back as much as I used to.  If I have the opportunity to drink wine, I do.  Get drunk?  Sure.  Smoke weed, why not? Mushrooms?  Never had them before, so of course I will.  Make out?  Absolutely!  Sleep in?  Fuck yes.

In short, life is exciting.

Which has led me to ask myself- Why as I holding back before?  Why didn’t I drink?  Why didn’t I try to pursue these pleasures that interested me?  A lot of it was lack of confidence in myself, which has changed for the better in these first few weeks, but there is something else to.  I’m trying to write it all down, but it’s hard to put my finger on it.

I just feel… good.

Really good.

I’m getting all the components together for a proper ritual.  I know they aren’t, necessary, stirctly speaking,  but I’m very skeptical about this part of Satanism and I think it would help me get into the mood if I get all the pieces into what I think is the right order.

That’s all for now.

Hail Satan.

The reason for the lack of updates lately is simple- I’ve been living, and by that I mean I have been indulging.  I have been slothful, lustful, prideful, and just plain full.  I have probably had more intoxicants in my body this past week than I have in the entirety of 2009, and I am only getting started.  It’s been a lot of fun, but I’ve been paying the price these past few days with some wicked hangovers, so I’m having an early night tonight.  But first, some thoughts.

The Satanic Bible often makes the point that Satan has many names.  The SB is divided into sections titled Satan, Lucifer, Belial, and Leviathan.  Reciting a list of infernal names is required during every Satanic ritual, which are different names for various cultural devils and demons.  But my favourite of the list is Lucifer.

The Roman god, Lucifer, was the bearer of light, the spirit of the air, the personification of enlightenment.  In Christian mythology he became synonymous with evil, which was only to have been expected from a religion whose very existence is perpetuated by clouded definitions and bogus values!

-The Satanic Bible, p. 39

Lucifer in the New Testament is meant to represent the morning star (another meaning of Lucifer) and is used to reference a dethroned Babylonian king, and is not explicitly tied anywhere to the devil.  Nevertheless Lucifer has come to be synonymous with Satan, and thus with Satanism.

LaVey characterizes Satan as many things- as being masterless, as the prototypical adversary, and as the light-bearer, the herald of knowledge and understanding. This is why I have an affinity with the title ‘Lucifer.’ It has a lot in common with how I tend to see humanity.  In the first section of the SB, the “Infernal Diatribe,” LaVey writes a long tirade from the perspective of the Devil, calling down God and Heaven and challenging Christian moral precepts.  But halfway through, the emphasis changes, and Satan is no longer shouting alone.  The diatribe begins as Satan, the fallen angel, addressing God and man, but it switches to ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ and suddenly Satan is identifying himself as one of us, as another human being screaming at the heavens.  Satan is not just some anthropological adversary who exists to challenge God, he is depicted as rooting for us, as urging us on.  He becomes a rallying point for earthly delights as well as our accoplishments and our lust for life, our will to power and to be great.  Satan becomes the pride of humanity.

I think, when seen in this way, Satan can be compared to Prometheus, that old Greek Titan who stole fire from the gods and gave it to humanity.  I always see this story as a recognition of our potential, a freeing of our souls from mediocrity.  Satan is often condemned for his pride in the Abrahamic faiths- for refusing to bow down to the first man, or for wishing to become God.  He is that which will not scrape, who will not bow down, he does not flinch in the face of the greatest of all gods.  He is just like Prometheus.  Satan strives for the greatest of all possible things, to be God, and LaVey depicts him as that force which wishes the same for humanity, ceaselessy trying to steal fire.

When on this topic I tend to think about T. S. Eliot’s poem, The Hollow Men, specifically the last few lines,

This is the way the worlds ends, this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.

This last line is my personal mantra when considering the future of humanity- “Not a whisper” (whisper, in my humble opinion, is a better choice of words).   I fear that we may all be snuffed out by some errant asteroid or our own bloody mindedness before we really make something of ourselves.  I want us to be endless.  I want us to be able to see the end of our solar system, the end of our galaxy.  This seems in line with what I have learned about Satanism so far.

Satanism is a bang, not a whimper.

PS- The contact form works now.  Much thanks to S.

The first, and as I have come to expect, the most usual misinterpretation of what Satanism is, is that it is some kind of devil worship, or sacrificial cult.

Only a  brief acquantance with the Satanic Bible or some genuine Satanic philosophy removes this thin fable, but I believe that there is another one laying underneath- that Satanism is grounds for being an asshole.

This is not necessarily the case.

Some of the principle rules of Satanism (the Nine Satanic Statements) involve pursuing vengeance and respecting only those who you feel deserve it, but this doesn’t mean that one should stop being a nice guy.  At least, I hope it doesn’t.  I tend to be very giving, I will go out of my way to avoid a conflict, I will keep silent when I would rather call someone out or criticize.  This may have served me well in the past, better to avoid a potentially explosive argument, right?  But often one’s integrity and principles are sacrificed in the process, and I think Satanists recognizes this.  If we abstain from these sorts of social faux pas, then we aren’t standing up for ourselves.  Thus follows hypocrisy, thus the lesser ideas seem victorious.  Thus defeat.

However, those who do deserve your respect should garner it.  Good works are still rewarded, effort should see its just reward- so Satanism doesn’t give you license to be a dick, but it does ask something of us, or at least it does to me.  It asks me to reflect on how I behave around other people, it wonders if I am being authentic.

I can see now this devil, sizing me up, red eyes trailing over me from head to toe and asking, “Who’s interests do you serve?  ‘Cause they ought to be your own.”

I don’t know if I can stop being a nice guy, but this month I must look at how I meter out my respect.  I should weight it against each person’s worth, and ask whether it is in my best interests to treat this person as I would like to be treated.

Being a Satanist does not require you to be rude.  It requires you to respect yourself.

I expected a switch, like a literal ‘on/off’ state where suddenly I am this other person, this more perfect man who is already everything that I want to be at the end of this month. It was like that last year too, and it’s just as untrue today. No miracles, no transformation. Just me, still.

Been very busy these last few days moving into a new home, so haven’t had much time to devote to the project. This changes tomorrow, I start reading the Satanic Bible, I introduce and engage with the online Satanic community, and try to track down some local Satanists. Not, as it turns out, an easy task.

In the mean time I indulge. I drink, I make sloppy advances on cute girls. I live… like, really live. So far, things are pretty simple.

I paid my friends who helped me move with food- burgers at one of the better hamburger establishments in my new neighborhood. At the moment it seemed somewhat out of my new Satanist persona’s character. Such things are not a given under Satanism, my default stance cannot be charitable. Instead goodness is reserved for those who deserve it, metered out at moments where it benefits myself.

Which means it was okay to treat my friends to dinner. Hard work should see its rewards reaped. It should be acknowledged, the best of us should triumph.

This is the language of a meritocracy, and I am in very new territory.

Happy New Year.