I never realized that life could be this full.

I’m seeing people that I never usually socialize with, almost every evening is full of new experiences, and I am genuinely enjoying myself.

That sounds weird, right?  It implies that I don’t usually enjoy myself from day to day, and for the last little while I guess that has been true.  But now I feel free, free from my own insecurities, free from second-guessing myself.  I feel empowered- like I could pursue any of my desires.  I was concerned that this month would make me self-centered, that I would feel egotistical and self-important.  At this moment I really couldn’t tell if I’m feeling any of those things.

I feel alive.  I’m exercising more, and kicking myself for not looking into some martial arts courses for this month.  If I had another month to do this I would set up a training regime and look into some books on the official Church of Satan store. Still so much to do.  It’s going to be hard to break these habits next month.

Planning some large purchases for myself at the end of the month, things that I don’t really need but would make me feel good, things I wouldn’t usually get for myself.  Money is tight now, so the actual purchases will be creeping into my month of Taoism, but I figure a bit of bleeding over is fine if my onus for it comes from the appropriate month.

That’s what I’ll be telling myself, anyway.  This might be the only time I have to spoil myself for a while, need to make the most of it.

It’s not like I’ll be able to take any of it with me.