I should take some time to actually explain what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been feeling this month.  January is almost half over and I haven’t really touched on that yet.  I find myself worrying that I’m not doing enough, that I’m not engaged enough with the religion in my day to day activities.  I’ll find myself washing the dishes, and suddenly think, “How would a Satanist do this?”

And then I realize that this is a stupid thought, and move on.

It’s… odd, at times.  I feel free, or at least much more uninhibited than I usually am.  I don’t overly concern myself with trying to please people, and I don’t feel guilty or awkward about trying to get what I want.  I’m not the leader of the dionsyian parade or anything, but I’m not holding myself back as much as I used to.  If I have the opportunity to drink wine, I do.  Get drunk?  Sure.  Smoke weed, why not? Mushrooms?  Never had them before, so of course I will.  Make out?  Absolutely!  Sleep in?  Fuck yes.

In short, life is exciting.

Which has led me to ask myself- Why as I holding back before?  Why didn’t I drink?  Why didn’t I try to pursue these pleasures that interested me?  A lot of it was lack of confidence in myself, which has changed for the better in these first few weeks, but there is something else to.  I’m trying to write it all down, but it’s hard to put my finger on it.

I just feel… good.

Really good.

I’m getting all the components together for a proper ritual.  I know they aren’t, necessary, stirctly speaking,  but I’m very skeptical about this part of Satanism and I think it would help me get into the mood if I get all the pieces into what I think is the right order.

That’s all for now.

Hail Satan.