As of today I have been fasting for a full week, and I am definitely starting to see the effects of eating basically one meal a day.  I’ve been noticing that my pants keep falling off my waist, and it only just clicked for me this morning that this is probably because I have been losing weight.  I don’t know how much I’ve lost exactly, since that is a particular quantity I tend to ignore, but I can say that I’ve definitely advanced a notch on my belt.  I fell kind of good about this, since I can always stand to lose some weight.  But it’s unsettling because I’m almost-not-quite starving myself.  Not a diet plan that I would recommend.  Not feeling any more spiritual, just hungry, and occasionally moody.

I spend a lot of time focusing on the things that I have denied myself.  I plan how I break my fast every night, I think of what I’ll eat, what it will taste like, how much I’ll have.  I also have a growing catalog of video games that I want to play once I get a day off, and as for sex?  Well… I’m sure you can use your imagination.

I have definitely become very grateful for the food that I do eat, and I find myself avoiding things like fast food.  I am gravitating to things that I haven’t tried before, or things I know will be very tasty.  When you only get one meal a day, you make sure that it’s a good one.

And oh my good Godness is it ever satisfying!  Everything tastes better, it’s actually very similar to being high.  Every taste, no matter how nuanced, is heightened.  If I could drink this month I would love to have tried some wine, that would probably take my head off.  Dinner with my friends has turned into dinner and a show, as they each get to watch me go through the throes of passion as I taste for the first time in twenty-four hours.

I could wake up before sunset and have something for breakfast, but being more of an evening person (and more importantly NOT a morning person) this is somewhat problematic.  But if I want to do some of the longer obligatory prayers, and really get something out of prayer- since according to Baha’i texts prayer at times when you don’t have to think about anything else is best- then I will eventually have to face these painfully early hours.

Ugh.