I’m going to take this opportunity to speak again about the Baha’i community, since it is such a central part to the Baha’i faith, and has really been the focus for me for the last few days.

Let us begin with the Baha’i Bookstore and Information Centre here in Vancouver.  It isn’t much, to be honest.  From the outside it looks like a modest community center crossed with a Jehovah’s Witnesses church.  It is plain and nondescript, it is humbleness incarnate.  Inside are the basics- the largish gymnasium that could comfortably hold a hundred or so people, rows of stacked chairs along the walls, and some adjacent meeting rooms.  If not for the small but abundant Baha’i bookstore in front you would probably pass it by with nary a glance.  In this store there are books on almost every Baha’i topic, from sex to interfaith studies to children’s books.  There are multiple editions and translations galore- a little something for anyone who might walk in.

This selection of materials hints at their zeal for newcomers to the faith.  Baha’is do not proselytize, instead they look out for people who are interested in the Baha’i faith, spirituality in general, or who are just curious.  They assess the person’s interests and then facilitate their studies, letting them learn for themselves, in their own way, about the faith.  In the Baha’i understanding an individual’s search for truth is to be valued, and therefore there is a lot of respect for everyone’s spiritual autonomy.  There is no pushing, just encouragement.

Anyway, back to the Baha’i Centre.  The whole thing is a real far cry from the grand examples of Baha’i architecture in the Middle East.  The Shrine of Baha’u'llah in Acre, the Universal House of Justice and the Shrine of the Bab in Haifa are just a few examples.  They are magnificently designed, and are surrounded by beautiful and immaculate gardens.  They are everything one imagines the Middle East to be- large, impressive, almost foreboding in their scale and grandeur, and borne of the faith and belief in that which is always greater.  The Baha’i Centre is none of these things, but it doesn’t need to be, because the people that inhabit this small place, the ones who make up this Baha’i community, more than make up for any of the grandeur that may have been lost in translation.

I am probably going to disagree with these people ideologically on a few things, but in the long run I don’t know if that matters, given the quality of the human beings I have been interacting with.  These are people who genuinely want to help the world, to be better people, to raise better people, to make better communities- full stop.  I can maybe question the finer points of their philosophy- the ability to maintain religious unity and still lay claim to the latest manifestation of God, their case for the unity of humanity but strangely conservative stance on same-sex unions- but I cannot question their motives.

God’s purpose in sending His Prophets unto men is twofold.  The first is to liberate the children of men from the darkness of ignorance, and guide them to the light of true understanding.  The second is to ensure the peace and tranquility of mankind, and provide all the means by which they can be established.

-Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u'llah, p. 79

I have only been to the Baha’i Centre once this month.  I will be going there tomorrow to celebrate Naw Ruz, the Baha’i new year, and then perhaps later in the month to observe one of their more bureaucratic meetings.  On my first visit I was just looking to pick up some books, but ended up staying for over an hour, talking to some Baha’is who really wanted nothing more than to ensure I had everything I needed to properly study the faith.  I told them about my website, and from then on I was being contacted by different Baha’is from all over the city, all eager to invite me into their homes to teach me about the faith.  It was actually kind of creepy.

Without a clergy or church, it falls to the members of the faith to volunteer their time and their homes to teach the religion to newcomers and hold gatherings for Baha’is or people of any spiritual persuasion.  Community is not just an integral part to the faith as it may be for other monotheisms, Baha’i is community.

Tomorrow I will be going to the Baha’i Bookstore and Information Centre, but the centre of the faith is not that building, it is not the ground that it sits upon, nor the space that fills it.  It is in the people that inhabit it.

I know I have been reticent to post here, and I apologize.  I have to say I only have a vague idea of who I’m talking to in this blog.  I really don’t know how many of you are out there, and when I try to think that more than a dozen or so people are reading this I get kind of flustered.  Finding out wouldn’t be much of a to do, I’m sure, and doing so might make it easier to post regularly, but right now it would just make me feel guilty.  So I’m glad you’re all still so very, very anonymous.   Much like that demon from the Bible, Legion- you are numerous but easily transubstantiated into livestock.  Hmm, that analogy kind of got away from me… Anyway, sorry for the delay.

The reason for my absence is that I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Baha’i community.1  I’ve gone from knowing a couple of Baha’is to meeting a different group every day of the week.  Almost every night this week is full of meetings with local Baha’is who are eager to share their faith with me, and Saturday is Naw Ruz, the Baha’i new year that ends the Nineteen Day Fast.  It’s quite staggering, a real change from the last two months.  I’m kicking myself for not making a more concerted effort to interact with the local Taoist groups or tracking down some more Satanists to gab with.  I suspect I’ll be making up for lost time at the end of the year, filling in the necessary holes in preparation for The Book.  This really should be a no-brainer for me by now, the whole interacting with the community thing.  I hope these experiences will give me more confidence in the months to come.

I’m utterly disarmed with how nice and candid these people have been.  I’ve come across nothing but open doors and charity from start to finish.  Every time I think I may have an issue or a real deal-breaking problem with the faith it is washed away by their heartfelt smiles and their concerns with how my studies are coming along.  It’s refreshing, and creates a fertile and solid ground for spiritual discourse.

There is a lot more to say, but it is late, and I need to pray and read before I sleep.

Writing, I’ve missed you.  Let’s play some more tomorrow, okay?

1. Also I just discovered Fourth Edition Dungeons & Dragons and am trying to find a group to play with.  Intone and let it be known that I am a nerd.  Now carry on.

Last night I spent some time on my knees.  No, I wasn’t being unchaste and violating my fast, pervert.  I was praying.  Usually when I pray I find a private place, my room on my days off or the washroom when I’m at work, wash my hands and face, turn towards the east, open my hands in front of me, and say a prayer.  Mostly it feels like I’m just mumbling words in the dark.  I feel a little something, but it isn’t something that I would call spiritual, or even terribly convincing, but it’s enough to let me know that I am doing something that feels… right.  I still don’t feel like I’m actually addressing anyone or anything, so when I pray it feels transparent.  It’s a like a put on, a con on the worst possible mark imaginable- God.

This issue of a diety is something I have to solve if I am going to genuinely experience these faiths.  I feel that there is some way that I can appraoch this belief, that there is a way that I can conceive of God that will bypass all the issues I have with a diety.  That He has a will, that He created life, that He is… anything other than intangible ideals of humanity.

Can one believe in a focus of all great and virtuous things?  Just without being an arbiter on worldly affairs, good without being dogmatic, incomprehensible and yet a source of inspiration and strength.  Something less mythical, more Platonic.  I need something to imagine, something to put in my mind’s eye as I pray and get through the month.  I think this is necessary to get at the core of these religious experiences, because speaking to nothing is not what these people are doing.  At least it isn’t what they think they are doing.  But any conception of God that I could try for would necessarily strip it of anything that makes theism what it is- the existence of a personal, loving creator. Therefore it would not be Baha’i.

So, paradoxically, I asked for help last night.  I think the act of falling to my knees helped to get the effect that I was looking for- supplication before a greater power.  Submission to His will seems like something God is big on.  It isn’t something that I am used to.  The idea that something or someone has a greater claim on my life than I do has been strictly anathema, until this point.  I thought it was something that I had to do.  It felt like the right time.

It was a lot like the first ritual I cast when I was a Satanist.  It was personal, mostly ad-libbed, and it was performed in order to better come to terms with something I really don’t understand.  It felt different.  The ceiling didn’t split open and no divine voice did bellow forth from on high, praising my prostrations, but it did feel different, and the day after went much the same.  Nothing really changed, except that I was more committed to what I’m doing, a little bit more vested in this project, a little bit more confident.

I’ve had this idea of God for a long time, this thing wholly separate from the deity that exists in the prayers and holy writings I read every day.  Maybe it will make a good stand-in until I can be convinced to buy into the real thing.  Maybe that will never happen.  In the meantime I think I’ll spend more time on my knees.  It encourages me to consider things that are higher than I am.

When I got home on Tuesday I felt spiritually drained.  It was cold outside, and I had just come back from my second lesson with Jack.  It was all about how God and religion were the only hope humanity had for a bright future, how every human being was imperfect, frail, and full of fault and that it was only through God that we could really change for the better.

Accepting God is a sign of maturity.  All morality has derived from religion.  Life is full of tests and it is during these times that a person who does not believe in God will act purely out of self-interest and the survival instinct.

Man is naturally impotent, ignorant, weak, wretched and imperfect, whereas all strength, power, knowledge, wisdom, ascendancy, virtue and goodness are from God, praised be His glory.  Therefore man should under all circumstances regard himself as imperfect, ignorant, and captive of self and passion.  He should not feel depressed or hurt if people impute to him these characteristics which, after all, are inherent within him.  On the contrary, he should be happy and thankful to them, while at the same time he should feel disappointed in himself, should take refuge in God and beg protection from his own base and appetitive nature.

-Revelation of Baha’u'llah Vol.2 p. 43

Through all of this all I could think was how wrong he was.  The word ‘no’ circled my head over and over again but it couldn’t settle on any one statement.  I brought up enough  questions to clarify that he thought people could be good without religion (a rarity he would insist) and that people in religion are rarely always saints, but this didn’t seem to prove anything to him.

Anyway, I came home to find one of my roommates playing a song on their guitar.  It didn’t sound familiar, turns out that they had composed it themselves, and it was beautiful.  It was soft, loving, and… well, just beautiful.  It was exactly what I needed to hear, and I thought that perhaps a real Baha’i would give thanks to God for such a perfect moment.  Not the singer and song-writer, not the instrument or all the human ingenuity necessary for the production thereof and not to mention the discovery of tones and the engineering of the fundamentals of music.  Just God, because it was good.  Because all good things come from God.

No.

No.

No.

Unity is an all-pervasive theme within the Baha’i faith- unity of mankind, unity of religion, of race, etc.  Baha’u'llah, in his writings, constantly stresses that the same God has made Himself known to the Muslims, Jews, Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, and Baha’is.  Since we cannot conceive of God, He makes himself known through his various manifestations, these rare and charismatic individuals who are the originators of each great world religion.  In the Baha’i understanding of things, each of these manifestations, over time, is able to reveal more and more of God’s spiritual message, capitalizing on what came before him, building on our spiritual selves like a series of divine lectures.  Each compliments and fulfills the lessons that have come before.  Since the Baha’is believe that the universe is infinite, then this cycle of enlightenment and instruction will go on for as long as we are here.  God has made a covenant with us that He will not abandon us.

There is a lot I like about this idea of progressive revelation .  First, it means that no one gets the final say on the human spirit, or on God and religion.  Each is a piece of a much larger happening, something beyond the scope of any one dispensation.  There is a humility here that I did not expect to find in a monotheistic religion, not only an admission that they may be wrong, but that one day they will be proven wrong, or at least guided in an entirely new direction by the authority they trust in.

This tends to be what separates religion from other social sciences like philosophy, the whole divine revelation thing, but I find that progressive revelation makes religion seem more like philosophy or science, or any other human endeavor to understand what the hell is going on.  Every manifestation is simply doing his best to communicate what must be a huge burden.  This is the second thing I like about progressive revelation, it highlights the human side of religion.

God Speaks Again by Kenneth E. Bowers is a great general introduction to the Baha’i faith, and it begins by showing the various trials and tribulations of the founders of the Baha’i movement- Ali-Muhammad (the Bab, meanign ‘the Gate’) and Mirza-Husayn-Ali (Baha’u'llah, ‘the Glory of God’).  Baha’i writings such as the Kitan-I-Iqdas (The Book of Certitude) constantly highlight the struggles these religious revolutionaries had when they revealed their message, the constant persecution, skepticism and assault upon the ideas that would come to shape our world.  One cannot help but be sympathetic, to see the humanity in such a struggle, one person trying to be heard and understood so as to benefit us all, to impress upon us the importance of treating one another well, to be genuine, to be better human beings, that we may improve our spirits.  One man teaching others to be better.  I like that image.

Progressive revelation also makes me consider each religious figure and his message in turn.  What were these people saying that was so inspiring, so tempting as to gather hundreds and then thousands of people, and earn so much contempt from others?  In many ways my study of the Baha’i faith will not be complete until I finish this project, until I am exposed to every major religion so that I may learn what the Baha’is purport to be the central hidden truths progressing through each of them.

Ostensibly these truths seem simple enough, treating others well, loving them as much as you love God, valuing unity, charity, compassion, etc.  It is always a message of peace, so the Baha’is say, because these manifestations always come at times of great turmoil, when the dispensation of the previous manifestation has been lost and corrupted.  When we have lost the way and religion is a cause of chaos and strife rather than unity, then God presents his next spiritual lesson through His chosen apostle, and tries to make us virtuous and kind once more.

Again, this helps me get into the swing of things by showing the human side of religion, I can envision these manifestations as great moral philosophers who actually practice what they preach.  Every apostle is like a Socrates, dispensing his wisdom dispite ridicule and trouble with the law.  If I just add in all that God stuff then I’ve got the basic picture, right?  Right…

It’s an expression I don’t like using, but when all is said and done I think the Baha’is are trying to have their cake and eat it too here.  Sure, progressive revelation makes it so that no religion can claim dominance over any other… that is, except for the Baha’i faith, who gets that mantle by pointing out how everyone else is wrong in wanting to be right.  Make no mistake, the Baha’is want their turn in the sun too, their chance to unite the world for whatever fleeting moment has been allocated until the next manifestation shakes things up, and they are building towards that.  It’s not wrong, but it seems slightly hypocritical.  The Baha’i faith equates all religions, and does so with the same divine authority that a Christian, Jew, or Muslim would use to say exactly the opposite.

This is the kind of feeling I’ve been getting lately, especially since my last lesson with Jack, “Why God and Why Religion?” in which we discussed religion and God as the only genuine sources of meaning and unity in the world.  The feeling is that despite all this talk of equality,  that they believe God is really on their side.  If that is true then they are claiming a monopoly on truth, and we are back to square one.

It’s a depressing thought.  I think tonight I will pray for guidance.

As of today I have been fasting for a full week, and I am definitely starting to see the effects of eating basically one meal a day.  I’ve been noticing that my pants keep falling off my waist, and it only just clicked for me this morning that this is probably because I have been losing weight.  I don’t know how much I’ve lost exactly, since that is a particular quantity I tend to ignore, but I can say that I’ve definitely advanced a notch on my belt.  I fell kind of good about this, since I can always stand to lose some weight.  But it’s unsettling because I’m almost-not-quite starving myself.  Not a diet plan that I would recommend.  Not feeling any more spiritual, just hungry, and occasionally moody.

I spend a lot of time focusing on the things that I have denied myself.  I plan how I break my fast every night, I think of what I’ll eat, what it will taste like, how much I’ll have.  I also have a growing catalog of video games that I want to play once I get a day off, and as for sex?  Well… I’m sure you can use your imagination.

I have definitely become very grateful for the food that I do eat, and I find myself avoiding things like fast food.  I am gravitating to things that I haven’t tried before, or things I know will be very tasty.  When you only get one meal a day, you make sure that it’s a good one.

And oh my good Godness is it ever satisfying!  Everything tastes better, it’s actually very similar to being high.  Every taste, no matter how nuanced, is heightened.  If I could drink this month I would love to have tried some wine, that would probably take my head off.  Dinner with my friends has turned into dinner and a show, as they each get to watch me go through the throes of passion as I taste for the first time in twenty-four hours.

I could wake up before sunset and have something for breakfast, but being more of an evening person (and more importantly NOT a morning person) this is somewhat problematic.  But if I want to do some of the longer obligatory prayers, and really get something out of prayer- since according to Baha’i texts prayer at times when you don’t have to think about anything else is best- then I will eventually have to face these painfully early hours.

Ugh.

Last night I had some instruction with a local Baha’i.  Let’s call him Jack.  Jack is a 70-something retired high school teacher who converted to Baha’i when he was 18.  For the last twenty years he has been informally teaching people at his home who are interested in the Baha’i faith.  Since there is no clergy and no churches in Baha’i, this kind of thing is pretty common.  In order for the Baha’i message to spread, adherents volunteer their time and expertise to teaching the faith to the unenlightened.  Of all the people this very kind man has invited into his home, about half have converted to Baha’i.

His course is four weeks long and takes the form of an hour and a half informal lecture.  He expounds on different parts of the Baha’i faith, often referring to the source texts spread liberally throughout his large and comfortable living room.  He often pauses to make sure I’m following him as I madly scribble down notes, and seems open enough to questions and dissenting opinions.  This last part is good, because I’m already starting to bump up against some Baha’i doctrine.  But first let me make sure that we’re all on the same page, I’ll share the bits of Baha’i that I learned that night.

  • Adam was not the first human, rather he was the first human who became aware of God.  This is interesting, since I have often imagined something similar while working on my own religious fiction.  As far as I know, most monotheisms see Adam as the first man, full stop.  I suppose we’ll see if this is actually the case later in the year.
  • The only ones who could interpret the doctrines of Baha’i were the past heads of the religion (Baha’u'llah, Shoghi Effendi, etc).  The current council that leads the faith, the Universal House of Justice, can add certain laws in order to keep the faith current, but cannot reinterpret existing doctrine.  This means that there is no theology within Baha’i, people are not free to re-imagine the faith as they want- that has all been done, and all we can do is understand it as best we can, in our own way.  For me this raises an immediate red flag, but I need to have a  bit more time with the Baha’i texts for me to properly communicate this worry.
  • God is unknowable, and his message is only communicated through His various manifestations (Baha’u'llah, Jesus, Muhammad, etc.) who do not have any greater access to God than we do, they are just His conduit.  These manifestations help us to evolve our spirit so that we will be more prepared to exist as spiritual beings.
  • Baha’i does not give much credence to evolution.  Jack used the term “scientism” to refer to the standard biological understanding of evolution, implying that they see it as a kind of dogma.  Instead they see the creation of life as like a seed, planted by God at the beginning, and left to flourish in all forms of life.  So, evolution does take place, but in a very specific way.
  • The spirit that animates human beings and is the seat of creative thought and intelligence exists apart from our physical bodies.  Our spirits exist in a parallel, timeless and infinite realm.  The separation between that realm and our own is “but a hair” and what happens in one can affect the other.  When we die, our bodies cease to exist, and we being to live our spiritual side, using all the things we learned with our physical shells.  Therefore human beings, once created, exist forever.

I was extremely nervous at the beginning of the evening, but I really had no reason to be.  Jack is amiable and good natured and his genuine love of his religion is apparent in his lessons and character.  He has given me a lot to think about, and although I didn’t have a lot to ask him last night, next week I’ll probably talk his hear off.

I was planning on writing that previous post last night, but I ended up crashing pretty hard once I got home.  At the end of the day, as I made my way from work to the library downtown, I really started to feel the effects of the fast.  There were some predictable bodily pains, aches in my stomach and such, but there was also a feeling of focus, of concentration.  Perhaps I was just trying to ignore my own hunger, but I felt very, very focused on my own thoughts.  It was a lot like meditation actually.  It felt, well… spiritual.  Almost religious, like this feeling was important.  Considering I was reading Baha’i books throughout the day I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise, but I was really able to think clearly.  I actually felt good, like I really had a handle on what I was doing.  However, if I can learn anything from last month, it’s that I’ll have the rug pulled out from under me the moment I think I’ve come to understand anything, so I’ll just leave that as it is.  No matter how spiritual I may have felt I pretty much collapsed on my bed after I ate, so maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to praise whatever this was.

I have to say though, finally breaking down and eating something felt a little bit like defeat.  I wanted that feeling to last forever, but I was also STARVING, and as I am discovering hunger can be a powerful motivator.  I really didn’t get the same feeling this evening, I was just hungry, no closer to anything spiritual.    Still, I’m really curious to see if I can attain that same state of mind again.

I wonder how long I could last without any food at all…

I need to stop writing things on my hands. This morning I scribbled a couple of things on the side of my left hand, things to keep track of, things to remember so that they aren’t swept away by the work day. But when I go to perform my ablutions before prayer all I see is a blemish, something that could be offensive. I think the same about the scruffy stubble on my face as I rinse it. It shows that I haven’t been mindful, and I don’t want to offend.

I have mixed feelings about that thought right there. It implies that I could be offending someone other than myself. Maybe other Baha’is? Maybe God? I don’t like that this thought has so quickly and effectively taken root, infiltrating my habits overnight. However this is exactly the kind of thing that I was hoping for, a genuine experience of the religious life. So I should be happy, but still… it’s weird.

Anyway, I like my daily ablutions. Not only is there the inherent cleanliness, which is nice, there is also a feeling of a new start, a new day, a new chance and, within the context of the prayer that follows: a new deal with God, a new promise.

There are three kinds of obligatory prayers one can chose from in the Baha’i faith, and as I understand it you’re covered so long as you perform one of them every day. There is the short prayer, which I’m doing now, which is a short verse stated once a day at midday. The others, the medium and long prayers, are obviously lengthier recitations, and they are performed several times a day with accompanying prostrations, much like Muslim prayers. They include more ablutions too, one before each prayer. I’m definitely going to be attempting these longer prayers soon, since they obviously act as a catalyst for my experience of this religion.

Oh, and I have a question for any Baha’is reading this. How do you go about your ablutions? Do you just rinse your hands and face, or do you really scrub and make sure everythig is spotless? Is there an approved method in Baha’u'llah’s writings, or is it more of a personal thing?

Thanks in advance.

During the last Year of Faith I learned that fasting has a very strong moral component.  It really lets you connect with people who don’t have the means to be able to eat everyday.  But I’ll get more into that later.  There’s probably a spiritual component to it as well- since you aren’t worrying about food or other carnal things there is a lot of time for reading, prayer, and reflection, but I haven’t really gotten to that point either.

Today I really got to appreciate the physiological side of fasting.  As your body depletes it’s primary means of energy, glucose, it moves on to glycogen reserves in the liver and muscles before moving on to fatty acids.  I’m not quite sure at what point of this process that you begin to get the warm and fuzzies, but I know that at around three or four o’clock I stop feeling hungry and start to feel all full and warm inside.  I assume that this is my body burning up my plentiful reserves of backup fat.  Feel free to replace the word ‘assume’ in that sentence with ‘hope’ because that’s what I did.

Apparently short term every other day fasting can be pretty healthy for you, as can brief longer term fasts.  Anything over a month is bad news, so something like the Nineteen Day Fast is healthy for the soul and the body.

Breaking the fast is fifteen kinds of awesome.  The food tastes amazing and I really did appreciate the first meal of the day.  In addition to this, the meals you do manage to have at the end of the day take on a whole new meaning.  It’s a chance to make dinner into a big deal, a chance to enjoy yourself with friends and family, to celebrate after a difficult experience.  It must be quite fulfilling for Baha’i families, to come together for a meal and have it actually mean something.  Me?  I try to have dinner with my friends, to go out and make a big deal of it, because it is really easy to take something like this for granted, and it deserves celebrating at least once a year for a few days.

I tried and failed to pick up some Baha’i books today, but apparently my local Chapters doesn’t believe in this particular faith market.  But I’ll be damned if I leave a bookstore empty-handed, so I picked up some other titles instead.

Dharma Punx by Noah Levine.  This is something that I’ve been wanting to read for a while now.  It’s the memoir of an ex-punk who did the acid, sex, rock and roll rebellion thing, failed to find any spiritual meaning and found a kind of salvation and direction in Buddhism.  Sounds like a good time, and a great addition to my reading list for May.

Against the Stream by Noah Levine.  Lessons on Buddhism using personal anecdotes and guided meditations.  Levine uses the experiences chronicled in Dharma Punx to teach others how to escape addiction and find freedom from suffering.  Looking forward to this one too.

The Taqwacores by Michael Muhammad Knight.  I have been looking forward to this book ever since I saw the documentary Taqwacore at last year’s Vancouver International Film Festival.  It was one of the best films that I have ever seen, and it covers the small but acute counter-culture mismash that is punk Islam, following a band of queer and Muslim punks as they travel accross the states, playing gigs and finding out what Islam means to the youth of today.  I should keep this tucked away for my month of Islam, but I may indulge for a few chapters.

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