Year of Faith

Allah-u-Abha.

Wow. So much has happened in the past week, it’s getting hard to keep track and make sure I get everything written down. But I don’t want to leave this blog without content for too long, I was doing so well before, so I’ll give you the basics of what has happened so that we can can be all caught up. Sound good? Good.

On Saturday I celebrated Naw Ruz, which marks the Baha’i new year and the end of the Nineteen Day Fast. The celebration took place in the Baha’i Centre with hundreds of local Baha’is of pretty much any ethnicity you can care to name. That was the really striking thing about it. Sure, there was still the high school lunchroom racial segregation, with like congregating with like around their own tables- but it was there. Diversity was evident no matter where you looked. I shared the table with Jack and some of his Anglo-Saxon family as well as four charming and friendly Iranians who eagerly told me about their experiences immigrating to Canada and then moving around to spread the faith.

It didn’t reel formal, more like a yearly family reunion. Kids ran amok, the young served the old, the food was basic and hearty and the entertainment was low key and beautiful. It was everything one could expect from a small and friendly community. I left feeling refreshed, and looked forward to being able to investigate all the things I had been denying myself for the last nineteen days.

Paradoxically I miss food. Food really does taste amazing when you limit yourself to one meal a day. You spend a lot of time thinking about it, there’s a lot of build up, and unless you have a specific plan you will feel paralyzed by choice once the sun goes down. Everything looks delicious, and it will be. But now, food is, well… commonplace again. It isn’t special anymore, and tastes just the same. I will often deliberately slow down when I’m eating now so that I can get that same feeling, that same sensitivity to taste, and it actually works. I still find myself thinking that maybe getting by on one meal a day wouldn’t be a bad idea. It is, of course. I’m sure it’s unhealthy for a number of reasons. Still, I miss it.

I still don’t have a lot of time for video games, but they are way better. Feels like anything that’s new and shiny- brilliantly entertaining, novel, and exciting. I look forward to my days off so that I’ll have time to properly enjoy them, heck I’m even willing to wake up early.  But I’m also acutely aware of how much time they take up, and that is a truly precious commodity these days.  I am starting to feel a pull in myself, a nagging feeling that I might just have to let this favourite pastime of mine slide, perhaps for good.  I don’t know if I can do that, I really enjoy the medium and I feel there is an enormous potential there for storytelling and artistic expression.  We’ll see.

Sex is, well, awesome. Let us not pretend that it could be otherwise between two adults who have been desperate for each other for more than two weeks.  Of the three things I was denying myself during the fast, this was the one I probably thought the most about, and now, almost a week after the fast had concluded, I don’t really think about it anymore.  I can’t tell if this is because the fast has helped me master that particular appetite, but it does feel kind of liberating, like I have mastered my body.

All in all the fast was a very positive experience and helped me to appreciate several things that I have taken for granted.  I’m looking forward to being able to partake in it again.

Tuesday was my last lesson with Jack, at the end of which he invited me to join the Baha’i faith.  I said, “Sure.”  Now, let’s back up.  Joining the faith does not require a baptismal right, or a formal declaration of faith, communion wafer, list of references, radishes, none of that.  Baha’is usually eschew religious rituals, and although joining the faith used to be a bit more onerous it’s now as simple as filing in a card with your name and address, putting it in the post and waiting for your shiny laminated membership card.  Going through this process basically brings you formally into the Baha’i community- you’re a member with a monthly newsletter and a card and don’t have any added responsibilities.  The expectation is that you’ll take part in the community, but as with anything, you’re level of involvement is strictly up to you.   From what I can tell it’s open to people of any belief or persuasion, so long as they’re in good standing.  Basically, don’t be a dick.  This much I think I can handle.

I can’t say that I don’t have issues with this religion, but from what I’ve seen I feel privileged just to be counted amongst them as a friend.  I feel joining their movement in this small way is a fitting cap on my Baha’i experience without being hypocritical.  It’s a wonderful community and I would love to keep in touch with them throughout the year and beyond.  Also did I mention the card?  They put your name on it and everything.

The pandit spoke first. “Mr. Patel, Piscine’s piety is admirable. In these troubled times it’s good to see a boy so keen on God. We all agree on that.” The imam and the priest nodded. “But he can’t be a Hindu, a Christian and a Muslim. It’s impossible. He must choose.”

“I don’t think it’s a crime, but I suppose you’re right,” Father replied. The three murmured agreement and looked heavenward, as did Father, whence they felt the decision must come. Mother looked at me. A silence fell heavily on my shoulders.

“Hmmm, Piscine?” Mother nudged me. “How do you feel about the question?”

“Bapu Gandhi said, ‘All religions are true.’ I just want to love God,” I blurted out, and looked down, red in the face. My embarrassment was contagious. No one said anything. It happened that we were not far from the statue of Gandhi on the esplanade. Stick in hand, an impish smile on his lips, a twinkle in his eyes, the Mahatma walked. I fancy that he heard our conversation, but that he paid even greater attention to my heart. Father cleared his throat and said in a half-voice,

“I suppose that’s what we’re all trying to do—love God.” I thought it very funny that he should say that, he who hadn’t stepped into a temple with a serious intent since I had had the faculty of memory. But it seemed to do the trick. You can’t reprimand a boy for wanting to love God. The three wise men pulled away with stiff, grudging smiles on their faces. Father looked at me for a second, as if to speak, then thought better, said, “Ice cream, anyone?” and headed for the closest ice cream wallah before we could answer. Mother gazed at me a little longer, with an expression that was both tender and perplexed. That was my introduction to interfaith dialogue. Father bought three ice cream sandwiches. We ate them in unusual silence as we continued on our Sunday walk.

-The Life of Pi, Yann Martel

As of today I have been fasting for a full week, and I am definitely starting to see the effects of eating basically one meal a day.  I’ve been noticing that my pants keep falling off my waist, and it only just clicked for me this morning that this is probably because I have been losing weight.  I don’t know how much I’ve lost exactly, since that is a particular quantity I tend to ignore, but I can say that I’ve definitely advanced a notch on my belt.  I fell kind of good about this, since I can always stand to lose some weight.  But it’s unsettling because I’m almost-not-quite starving myself.  Not a diet plan that I would recommend.  Not feeling any more spiritual, just hungry, and occasionally moody.

I spend a lot of time focusing on the things that I have denied myself.  I plan how I break my fast every night, I think of what I’ll eat, what it will taste like, how much I’ll have.  I also have a growing catalog of video games that I want to play once I get a day off, and as for sex?  Well… I’m sure you can use your imagination.

I have definitely become very grateful for the food that I do eat, and I find myself avoiding things like fast food.  I am gravitating to things that I haven’t tried before, or things I know will be very tasty.  When you only get one meal a day, you make sure that it’s a good one.

And oh my good Godness is it ever satisfying!  Everything tastes better, it’s actually very similar to being high.  Every taste, no matter how nuanced, is heightened.  If I could drink this month I would love to have tried some wine, that would probably take my head off.  Dinner with my friends has turned into dinner and a show, as they each get to watch me go through the throes of passion as I taste for the first time in twenty-four hours.

I could wake up before sunset and have something for breakfast, but being more of an evening person (and more importantly NOT a morning person) this is somewhat problematic.  But if I want to do some of the longer obligatory prayers, and really get something out of prayer- since according to Baha’i texts prayer at times when you don’t have to think about anything else is best- then I will eventually have to face these painfully early hours.

Ugh.

I was planning on writing that previous post last night, but I ended up crashing pretty hard once I got home.  At the end of the day, as I made my way from work to the library downtown, I really started to feel the effects of the fast.  There were some predictable bodily pains, aches in my stomach and such, but there was also a feeling of focus, of concentration.  Perhaps I was just trying to ignore my own hunger, but I felt very, very focused on my own thoughts.  It was a lot like meditation actually.  It felt, well… spiritual.  Almost religious, like this feeling was important.  Considering I was reading Baha’i books throughout the day I guess this shouldn’t be a surprise, but I was really able to think clearly.  I actually felt good, like I really had a handle on what I was doing.  However, if I can learn anything from last month, it’s that I’ll have the rug pulled out from under me the moment I think I’ve come to understand anything, so I’ll just leave that as it is.  No matter how spiritual I may have felt I pretty much collapsed on my bed after I ate, so maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to praise whatever this was.

I have to say though, finally breaking down and eating something felt a little bit like defeat.  I wanted that feeling to last forever, but I was also STARVING, and as I am discovering hunger can be a powerful motivator.  I really didn’t get the same feeling this evening, I was just hungry, no closer to anything spiritual.    Still, I’m really curious to see if I can attain that same state of mind again.

I wonder how long I could last without any food at all…

During the last Year of Faith I learned that fasting has a very strong moral component.  It really lets you connect with people who don’t have the means to be able to eat everyday.  But I’ll get more into that later.  There’s probably a spiritual component to it as well- since you aren’t worrying about food or other carnal things there is a lot of time for reading, prayer, and reflection, but I haven’t really gotten to that point either.

Today I really got to appreciate the physiological side of fasting.  As your body depletes it’s primary means of energy, glucose, it moves on to glycogen reserves in the liver and muscles before moving on to fatty acids.  I’m not quite sure at what point of this process that you begin to get the warm and fuzzies, but I know that at around three or four o’clock I stop feeling hungry and start to feel all full and warm inside.  I assume that this is my body burning up my plentiful reserves of backup fat.  Feel free to replace the word ‘assume’ in that sentence with ‘hope’ because that’s what I did.

Apparently short term every other day fasting can be pretty healthy for you, as can brief longer term fasts.  Anything over a month is bad news, so something like the Nineteen Day Fast is healthy for the soul and the body.

Breaking the fast is fifteen kinds of awesome.  The food tastes amazing and I really did appreciate the first meal of the day.  In addition to this, the meals you do manage to have at the end of the day take on a whole new meaning.  It’s a chance to make dinner into a big deal, a chance to enjoy yourself with friends and family, to celebrate after a difficult experience.  It must be quite fulfilling for Baha’i families, to come together for a meal and have it actually mean something.  Me?  I try to have dinner with my friends, to go out and make a big deal of it, because it is really easy to take something like this for granted, and it deserves celebrating at least once a year for a few days.

I tried and failed to pick up some Baha’i books today, but apparently my local Chapters doesn’t believe in this particular faith market.  But I’ll be damned if I leave a bookstore empty-handed, so I picked up some other titles instead.

Dharma Punx by Noah Levine.  This is something that I’ve been wanting to read for a while now.  It’s the memoir of an ex-punk who did the acid, sex, rock and roll rebellion thing, failed to find any spiritual meaning and found a kind of salvation and direction in Buddhism.  Sounds like a good time, and a great addition to my reading list for May.

Against the Stream by Noah Levine.  Lessons on Buddhism using personal anecdotes and guided meditations.  Levine uses the experiences chronicled in Dharma Punx to teach others how to escape addiction and find freedom from suffering.  Looking forward to this one too.

The Taqwacores by Michael Muhammad Knight.  I have been looking forward to this book ever since I saw the documentary Taqwacore at last year’s Vancouver International Film Festival.  It was one of the best films that I have ever seen, and it covers the small but acute counter-culture mismash that is punk Islam, following a band of queer and Muslim punks as they travel accross the states, playing gigs and finding out what Islam means to the youth of today.  I should keep this tucked away for my month of Islam, but I may indulge for a few chapters.

Well, here we go again.  During this month I will be a Baha’i, one of some six million adherents around the world.  Baha’i is the first monotheistic religion I will be practicing and I have two things to look forward to already: obligatory prayer and a nineteen day fast.

There are several different forms of the obligatory prayer- a short, medium, and long version each with different acts of bowing and supplication.  The short, easy to remember version which only needs to be said once a day is as follows,

I bear witness, O my God, that Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee.  I testify, at this moment, to my powerlessness and to Thy might, to my poverty and to Thy wealth.

There is none other God but Thee, the Help in Peril, the Self-Subsisting. [1]

Much like its parent faith Islam, these prayers are required in order to foster feelings of humility, faith, and devotion towards God, who in the Baha’i faith is the center and creator of every major religion on Earth.

The nineteen day fast stretches from March 2 to March 20, and is concludd by the Baha’i New Year, a celebration called Naw Ruz.  The fast is to be performed during daylight hours during whcih I will not be eating anything.  During the entire week I will be abstaining from carnal things like sex, alcohol, drugs, and video games (gulp).  If you can think of anything else I should avoid then I’m all ears, I really want to make these nineteen days count for something.  As to the purpose of the fast, the former head of the Baha’i Faith, Shoghi Effendi puts it quite well.

It is essentially a period of meditation and prayer, of spiritual recuperation, during which the believer must strive to make the necessary readjustments in his inner life, and to refresh and reinvigorate the spiritual forces latent in his soul. Its significance and purpose are, therefore, fundamentally spiritual in character. Fasting is symbolic, and a reminder of abstinence from selfish and carnal desires. [2]

Frankly this sounds like something I could really use, doubly so since I kind of ignored similar perscriptions during Taoism.

Wish me luck!

[1] Baha'i Reference Library- Prayers and Meditations by Baha'u'llah p. 314

[2] Baha'i Reference Library- Directives from the Gaurdian pp. 27-29