I’m sitting in a coffee shop near my new place right now, trying to download some TV shows, and catching up on all those pieces of internet that are not easily accessible via my iPhone. Across from me two gentlemen are sitting at a table and going through what look like reiki movements. Waving and shaping the air, one of them folding, molding and gently passing something to the other, who receives it in kind and breathes it in. It’s called energy healing, touching without touching, convincing the mind and the body to to settle, concentrate, think about light, think about compassion, and breathe. It wouldn’t matter if there were something passing between them, the physical and mental components of the act would be enough to have some effect. The is something the Buddha understood, you give the mind half a chance and it will unjumble itself, defrag, untangle, relax. No one’s going to get tense if you give them your undivided attention and engage in an act of kindness. Well, mostly no one.

His friend has left now, and he is giving a demo to the man sitting next to me. He does this all the time, an otherwise unremarkable looking young Caucasian man, carrying on the technique of his teacher. Once that guy has left he moves on to me, and trying to be an ambassador to this strange unknown country, of course I say yes. He waves his hands, and I keep one eye open to watch the movements and try to correlate that with what I feel in my cupped palms.

While this is happening I am reminded of a girl in my high school biology class. She had sensitive hands. She could detect the residual heat of objects with her fingertips- pens, loose change, things like that. When my teacher heard about this he wanted to see her in action, so we set up a line of quarters, and while her back was turned one of us would touch a coin, and she would touch each in turn and point out the correct coin every time. She could even do it when her fingers were floating above the coins, and even when we didn’t quite touch them ourselves. And when, at the teacher’s insistance, we didn’t touch any of them, hoping perhaps to catch her bluff, she would pass her fingers over the coins and then look at us in consternation, catching us instead.

His name is Davin, and as he asks me to imagine golden light collecting in my hands as he finishes waving into them, I wonder if something like that is happening now. Is some ancient, prehistoric part of my brain waking up, like a rickety old trap in a temple full of relics, activated by a presure plate of mystery and myth, forcing me to become receptive? I ask the question beause I don’t believe that anything out of the ordinary is happening in these exercises. I have come to understand that no matter how much I immerse myself in this, no matter how much I give in to all of this, I will only ever see a man waving his hands at me.

But despite that, my hands get warm and begin to tingle, and I imagine a golden light, pouring from me and into every other living thing.

I’m on month four now.  Bet you can’t guess how I’m doing.  Bet you can’t figure out that I feel burnt out, that I can’t focus, that I every time I try to bring something to the blog or realign myself with this new religion that things  are just frickin’ dandy…

I’m choking on Sikhism.  It isn’t anything about the religion.  It has a rich and interesting history and philosophy.  There are plenty of helpful people and many gurdwaras and communities to visit, but I’ve dropped the ball.  I’m twenty days into the month and I’m nowhere.  In light of this pattern I may have to reevaluate my schedule, or try to make more of an effort to plan ahead.  Having a more fixed schedule helps, so maybe I should be looking further into the future before the month is up.

I’ve decided to stop my month of Sikhism. I’m going to take some time to work on other things, and set up the schedule for May.

People always say that in order to succeed you need to get used to failure.  I have always assumed that this meant external obstacles- things that I have no control over.  What it really means, for me, is to get used to falling short of my own expectations.

It’s okay.

I still have the beard going, which I’m noticing more and more (and no, I don’t like it yet), but a good beard does not a Sikh make.  I’m quite uncomfortable with Sikhism and I really don’t know why.  I’m not as interested in it as I have been in other religions I have done, and there is a large social hurdle I have to cross, namely making contact with Sikhs.  This brings to light one of my flaws, namely I’m terrified of strangers and meeting new people, and thus would much prefer to just email these temples I’ve found around town rather than call them and talk to a complete unknown.  I know it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s me.  The only reason I cleared this last month was because the Baha’is took it upon themselves to spread word and they all got into contact with me over email, which is less terrifying.

I’m going to get over it, I have to get over it, or else there won’t be much to report this month.  Working full time really isn’t’ helping my situation, but again this is something that I can’t really fix right now.  I have no alternative means of income that wouldn’t similarly sap my time, and the job I do have often affords me enough free time that I can read and write during the day.  The fantasy is to be able to do this full time, and the compromise will probably be that I’ll be sticking it out and saving up my nickles and dimes so that come the end of the year I’ll have enough to take a month or two off to focus on pulling The Book together.  I might have to live off of ramen for a while but I would really, really like to do this all day, every day.

I also need to move come June, so that doesn’t really help either.

For those of you who weren’t following Kotaku’s run of articles on religion in video games, check ‘em all out here.  All in all it was okay, nothing really stellar, and they didn’t go as deep as I would have liked into the meat of the issue.  But since I feel kind of passionate about the subject matter I assume that was inevitable.  Still, zombies and Ouija boards?  Really?  Really?

Anyway, I’m working on something that will communicate my feelings on the matter, which you probably won’t see up here for a while since I really want to nail it.  We’ll see what comes of that, in fact I think I’ll work on it once I sign off here.

Which will be right about now.

Sat Sri Akal.

Waheguru.

This week Kotaku is covering religion in video games and I could not be more excited. Their first treatment of the subject isn’t terribly awe-inspiring, but I think it hints at ideas which have the potential to be delicious, much like a pie with a filling that you have not yet encountered.  I know that pie, as a constant, is sublime in its blissful effect, and yet I see this new combination of fruit and pastry and am given pause.  Will it be all that is true and dear to me of past pies?  Of fruit, sugar, pastry and whipped cream?  Will these things come together into something that is worth my time?

I hope that the answer is a resounding, “Oh God, yes.”

I am so excited by the prospect of discussing this topic that I’m having trouble finding the right words.  And this is saying something above and beyond my usual lethargy when it comes to bringing content here, because I have been trying to put these ideas into writing for a few months now.  Suffice it to say, I think that video games are a great medium for story-telling, art, and entertainment, and that while it is often difficult to convince people that religion is an important force in the world which merits our attention, I think it would require less rhetoric to convince people that it has an incredible canvass for myth, a rich context in which many entertaining and valuable stories can be told.

And if there is one thing I would like to see more of in video games, it’s better stories.

Sam Harris Talk at Authors@Google- If you enjoyed the TED talk I posted, this is a slightly longer version followed by a fairly intelligent Q&A.

Sam Harris Responds to His Critics- An essay by Harris addressing major concerns with his thesis that science can help us answer moral questions.  If you hadn’t guessed by now, I think the point he’s making is kind of important and worth some attention.

10 Things Christians and Atheists Can (And Must) Agree On- An amusing article that I think nails a lot of the miscommunication and presumption that occurs between believers and the faithfully challenged.  Found via my friend Angus on Facebook.

Paint Your Faith- An interesting art project where a small group of artists takes over an unused wall to create a mural depicting their interpretation of what faith means.  And it’s coming to Vancouver!  Squee.

Baha’i Rants- A really good blog covering all things Baha’i. I discovered it late in the month, but I will be following it in the months to come.

I realize the futility of trying to shoehorn myself into a schedule, but I really do see the success or failure of each day in the Year of Faith project in terms of how much I update the site.  Updating means I had something to write about, having something to write about means I had a new thought, or a new experience, and that means I learned something new about the religion.  Or I just had a funny story.  Either way, I think it works as a good mechanism to keep me on task.

Next week I might have yet another plan of attack.  I’m definitely still playing this by ear.

I’m meditating regularly now.  Honestly it is getting kind of addictive.  It’s not that I’m craving it, rather I’m more and more curious about how it will progress.  Every time I come away calm, peaceful and focused and I can maintain that mindfulness for a few hours afterwords.  It makes interacting with people easier and feels more genuine, makes food taste better… no, that isn’t right.  Meditation has, so far, made it easier to focus.  That’s it.  Nothing else is really changing, I’m just better at being in the moment, isolating things and experiencing them one at a time.

This is why it feels like I’m high.  When you’re stoned, you become more sensitive, more receptive.  Similar effects, different causes. And this is only from a few sessions no more than half an hour long.  People in monasteries do this for hours.  I could also be completely on the wrong track, I don’t really have any idea right now.  Could just be all in my head.

Heh, “All in my head.”  What?  I thought it was funny.

I’ve always seen the priest as a mix of two things that are very important to me- accumulating knowledge and wisdom, and then using that knowledge to help people in a very real and immediate fashion.  There are so many opportunities to help people deal with their faith and their understanding of God and their religion, to be able to have these kinds of conversations with the troubled and the curious.  This kind of prospect genuinely excites me.  Now I might have a completely unrealistic and romanticized view of the priesthood, but that’s the point of a dream job, isn’t it?

Slight hitch though, not a big problem, but something that may or may not come up once in a great long while- I don’t believe in God. It would be an unorthodox kind of life to lead, to be sure, an atheist priest.  Someone who is supposed to lead people to God and understand God and yet has no such faith.  Probably wouldn’t go down so well with the congregation, I fear.

Stranger still though, it’s never occurred to me that this would be detrimental to my understanding of the Christian faith, God, or Christ.  Knowing these things inside and out, as I am want to do, and knowing how to interact and converse with people in a religious sense seem to be the real necessary skills for a priest.  So long as I could cultivate these things, as well as the skills necessary for the other minutiae of the priesthood, isn’t that enough?

I honestly believe that being able to deal with a congregation from the point of view of an atheist would be a real boon rather than a blunder.  An atheist knows how difficult it is to accept the idea of God, they know the ins and outs of all the arguments, they know how absurd faith can be, how hard it can be to square this faith away with reason, and they certainly know how religion can be criticized and assailed from without and within.  I love religion and God just as much as the average Christian, I just don’t believe He exists, which changes the kind of love to be sure, but I’m still very much caught up in the whole thing on a  day to day basis.

The reason I bring all of this up is that I recently read a news story about a fellow who is actually living my dream.  Klass Hendriske turned more than few heads in the Netherlands and throughout the Christian community in 2007 when he published a book called Believing in a God Who Does not Exist: Manifesto of an Atheist Preacher. He obviously came under a lot of scrutiny from the powers that be (or may not be, in this case) but just recently the Protestant Church of the Netherlands declared that they will not be taking any action against Hendriske, saying that his views are actually sympatico with other liberal theologians within Protestantism.

So no burning collar, no cassok striping, nothing ontoward at all.  As you can imagine this news was rather uplifting for this little dream of mine.  I doubt that it will actually happen for me, but it’s nice to know that it’s possible.  Seems that the Protestants have put themselves on some shakey ground though, as Hendriske himself says, “If my view is allowed, then there’s something wrong with the foundations of the church.”  Yes Klaas, there is something wrong, and you and me both know what it is.

In any case, I’ll be looking forward to an English translation of his book.

Or not. We’ll see how it goes.

In the meantime I have made a bibliography page to keep track of all the books I have read or made reference to throughout the year. It was either this or try to organize my library.

I assure you, the choice was a simple one.

The Satanic Bible often makes the point that Satan has many names.  The SB is divided into sections titled Satan, Lucifer, Belial, and Leviathan.  Reciting a list of infernal names is required during every Satanic ritual, which are different names for various cultural devils and demons.  But my favourite of the list is Lucifer.

The Roman god, Lucifer, was the bearer of light, the spirit of the air, the personification of enlightenment.  In Christian mythology he became synonymous with evil, which was only to have been expected from a religion whose very existence is perpetuated by clouded definitions and bogus values!

-The Satanic Bible, p. 39

Lucifer in the New Testament is meant to represent the morning star (another meaning of Lucifer) and is used to reference a dethroned Babylonian king, and is not explicitly tied anywhere to the devil.  Nevertheless Lucifer has come to be synonymous with Satan, and thus with Satanism.

LaVey characterizes Satan as many things- as being masterless, as the prototypical adversary, and as the light-bearer, the herald of knowledge and understanding. This is why I have an affinity with the title ‘Lucifer.’ It has a lot in common with how I tend to see humanity.  In the first section of the SB, the “Infernal Diatribe,” LaVey writes a long tirade from the perspective of the Devil, calling down God and Heaven and challenging Christian moral precepts.  But halfway through, the emphasis changes, and Satan is no longer shouting alone.  The diatribe begins as Satan, the fallen angel, addressing God and man, but it switches to ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ and suddenly Satan is identifying himself as one of us, as another human being screaming at the heavens.  Satan is not just some anthropological adversary who exists to challenge God, he is depicted as rooting for us, as urging us on.  He becomes a rallying point for earthly delights as well as our accoplishments and our lust for life, our will to power and to be great.  Satan becomes the pride of humanity.

I think, when seen in this way, Satan can be compared to Prometheus, that old Greek Titan who stole fire from the gods and gave it to humanity.  I always see this story as a recognition of our potential, a freeing of our souls from mediocrity.  Satan is often condemned for his pride in the Abrahamic faiths- for refusing to bow down to the first man, or for wishing to become God.  He is that which will not scrape, who will not bow down, he does not flinch in the face of the greatest of all gods.  He is just like Prometheus.  Satan strives for the greatest of all possible things, to be God, and LaVey depicts him as that force which wishes the same for humanity, ceaselessy trying to steal fire.

When on this topic I tend to think about T. S. Eliot’s poem, The Hollow Men, specifically the last few lines,

This is the way the worlds ends, this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.

This last line is my personal mantra when considering the future of humanity- “Not a whisper” (whisper, in my humble opinion, is a better choice of words).   I fear that we may all be snuffed out by some errant asteroid or our own bloody mindedness before we really make something of ourselves.  I want us to be endless.  I want us to be able to see the end of our solar system, the end of our galaxy.  This seems in line with what I have learned about Satanism so far.

Satanism is a bang, not a whimper.

PS- The contact form works now.  Much thanks to S.

]]> http://yearoffaith.net/2010/01/lucifer-bearer-of-fire-bearer-of-light/feed/ 4