Year of Faith

Today was a good day.  Work was slow so I managed to get a lot of writing done.  Not much that will end up on the blog, but I’m making progress.

When I came home I managed to find a great resource for Sikh topics- the Raj Karega Khalsa Network, which I found while looking for info on Sikh prayers.  If you’re at all curious about Sikhism, do give that link a click.  Don’t let the very dated look of the website scare you, they update regularly and the databse of knowledge hidden in there is nothing short of dizzying.  It will become a constant resource for me over the next month, and I’m very glad that I found it.

Praying is very different now than it was last month.  During Baha’i the prayers were short, I could do them in a few minutes at most and so long as I could wash my hands and find east I was set.  Now, I don’t have to do much but meditate and pay attention to the words, as you do in most prayers, but they are frickin’ huge.  Instead of a few minutes a day I’m spending around twenty minutes three times a day.  I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, because I’m not, I’m just shocked.  I was not expecting this.  I’m used to prayers being little things that give you a moment of pause during the day, not these comparatively large investments of time.  I can see why these are usually performed in groups in gurdwaras.  They are events in-and-of themselves.

So there is no way I am going to be able to memorize these, and I haven’t found a convenient way to cart them around with me yet.  Luckily the format of the prayers means I won’t have to.  Much like other faiths, Sikh prayers are scheduled around certain times of the day, though in Sikhism they are more practical than sunrise and sunset.  The first Sikh prayer, the Japji, takes place in the morning, before one heads out to work.  The second, Rahiras, is performed in the evening, when one returns from work.  The final prayer, called Kirtan Sohila, is done before you go to bed.

You see, they are broken up around the workday, as a method to prepare yourself for the events of the day, for recovering and re-energizing at the end of the day, and finally for resting.  I really like that, it stresses the utility of prayer, it’s role in not only the spiritual life, but as something that can prepare us mentally and physically.  As someone who has some trouble getting in touch with his spiritual side at prearranged times (especially in the mornings) this is really valuable.

But back to my original point, the Raj Karega Khalsa Network has a series of videos (their youtube channel could be described as ‘terrifying’ in its depth) of the three basic prayers, performed in the original Punjbai with English translation.  Now, I have a lot of trouble getting up early enough in the morning to stare bleary-eyed at my laptop for twenty minutes, prayer or no prayer.  Heck, some mornings I barely make it to work on time, that’s how well I deal with the wee early hours.  But dragging my sorry ass out of bed to listen to someone speak and sing beautifully in an enchanting foreign language, whilst I try to follow along, is something that I think I can manage.  I’m equal parts geek and religious student right now, so I’ll let youtube be my temple for a while until I contact a gurdwara.  Hmm, ‘religion nerd’, I like that.

Seriously though, check them out.  Try leaving one on in the background for a while.  They can be quite beautiful.

-Japji Sahib

-Rahiras Sahib

-Kirtan Sohila

Last night I spent some time on my knees.  No, I wasn’t being unchaste and violating my fast, pervert.  I was praying.  Usually when I pray I find a private place, my room on my days off or the washroom when I’m at work, wash my hands and face, turn towards the east, open my hands in front of me, and say a prayer.  Mostly it feels like I’m just mumbling words in the dark.  I feel a little something, but it isn’t something that I would call spiritual, or even terribly convincing, but it’s enough to let me know that I am doing something that feels… right.  I still don’t feel like I’m actually addressing anyone or anything, so when I pray it feels transparent.  It’s a like a put on, a con on the worst possible mark imaginable- God.

This issue of a diety is something I have to solve if I am going to genuinely experience these faiths.  I feel that there is some way that I can appraoch this belief, that there is a way that I can conceive of God that will bypass all the issues I have with a diety.  That He has a will, that He created life, that He is… anything other than intangible ideals of humanity.

Can one believe in a focus of all great and virtuous things?  Just without being an arbiter on worldly affairs, good without being dogmatic, incomprehensible and yet a source of inspiration and strength.  Something less mythical, more Platonic.  I need something to imagine, something to put in my mind’s eye as I pray and get through the month.  I think this is necessary to get at the core of these religious experiences, because speaking to nothing is not what these people are doing.  At least it isn’t what they think they are doing.  But any conception of God that I could try for would necessarily strip it of anything that makes theism what it is- the existence of a personal, loving creator. Therefore it would not be Baha’i.

So, paradoxically, I asked for help last night.  I think the act of falling to my knees helped to get the effect that I was looking for- supplication before a greater power.  Submission to His will seems like something God is big on.  It isn’t something that I am used to.  The idea that something or someone has a greater claim on my life than I do has been strictly anathema, until this point.  I thought it was something that I had to do.  It felt like the right time.

It was a lot like the first ritual I cast when I was a Satanist.  It was personal, mostly ad-libbed, and it was performed in order to better come to terms with something I really don’t understand.  It felt different.  The ceiling didn’t split open and no divine voice did bellow forth from on high, praising my prostrations, but it did feel different, and the day after went much the same.  Nothing really changed, except that I was more committed to what I’m doing, a little bit more vested in this project, a little bit more confident.

I’ve had this idea of God for a long time, this thing wholly separate from the deity that exists in the prayers and holy writings I read every day.  Maybe it will make a good stand-in until I can be convinced to buy into the real thing.  Maybe that will never happen.  In the meantime I think I’ll spend more time on my knees.  It encourages me to consider things that are higher than I am.

I need to stop writing things on my hands. This morning I scribbled a couple of things on the side of my left hand, things to keep track of, things to remember so that they aren’t swept away by the work day. But when I go to perform my ablutions before prayer all I see is a blemish, something that could be offensive. I think the same about the scruffy stubble on my face as I rinse it. It shows that I haven’t been mindful, and I don’t want to offend.

I have mixed feelings about that thought right there. It implies that I could be offending someone other than myself. Maybe other Baha’is? Maybe God? I don’t like that this thought has so quickly and effectively taken root, infiltrating my habits overnight. However this is exactly the kind of thing that I was hoping for, a genuine experience of the religious life. So I should be happy, but still… it’s weird.

Anyway, I like my daily ablutions. Not only is there the inherent cleanliness, which is nice, there is also a feeling of a new start, a new day, a new chance and, within the context of the prayer that follows: a new deal with God, a new promise.

There are three kinds of obligatory prayers one can chose from in the Baha’i faith, and as I understand it you’re covered so long as you perform one of them every day. There is the short prayer, which I’m doing now, which is a short verse stated once a day at midday. The others, the medium and long prayers, are obviously lengthier recitations, and they are performed several times a day with accompanying prostrations, much like Muslim prayers. They include more ablutions too, one before each prayer. I’m definitely going to be attempting these longer prayers soon, since they obviously act as a catalyst for my experience of this religion.

Oh, and I have a question for any Baha’is reading this. How do you go about your ablutions? Do you just rinse your hands and face, or do you really scrub and make sure everythig is spotless? Is there an approved method in Baha’u'llah’s writings, or is it more of a personal thing?

Thanks in advance.

“I bear witness, O my God, that Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee.”

This is stupid…

“I testify, at this moment, to my powerlessness and to Thy might, to my poverty and to Thy wealth.”

Really stupid…

“There is none other God but Thee, the Help in Peril, the Self-Subsisting.”

I can’t believe I’m saying this.  Crap, which way is East?

Such were my thoughts during my first prayer in the Year of Faith.  This simple, short prayer includes a lot of things that grate up against the principles left over from the real me, the person who I am when I’m not trying to be a Taoist, or a Satanist or a Baha’i.  The first two religions of the year fit me really well, at no point did they cross my line of self-rule.  There was no point at which I felt that the way I usually live my life was threatened, I was still the one in control of all the rules, I was still the ultimate arbiter of my life.  My autonomy is important to me and this is the first time during the year that I feel that I am being threatened by what I want to experience.

Suddenly I am poor, suddenly I am made humble, and suddenly I have been created by and for this God guy who I don’t even know.  This is going to take some time.

Before the obligatory prayers I must perform oblations- washing my hands and face, and I must also face towards the East while I recite the prayer, towards the Shrine of the Baha’u'llah in Israel.  These things help set the prayer apart from the rest of everyday life.  It makes me more aware of my body and where I am in the world in relation to the rest of the members of the Baha’i faith.  It’s a short prayer, and much like my first attempt at oral sex, it felt strange tumbling around off my tongue.  But it did feel, well, religious.  It felt like a first step.

Monotheism is going to be a hell of a hurdle for me, being an atheist.  But as a lover of religion it’s something I need to face, and this definitely won’t be my first attempt to do so.

Well, here we go again.  During this month I will be a Baha’i, one of some six million adherents around the world.  Baha’i is the first monotheistic religion I will be practicing and I have two things to look forward to already: obligatory prayer and a nineteen day fast.

There are several different forms of the obligatory prayer- a short, medium, and long version each with different acts of bowing and supplication.  The short, easy to remember version which only needs to be said once a day is as follows,

I bear witness, O my God, that Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee.  I testify, at this moment, to my powerlessness and to Thy might, to my poverty and to Thy wealth.

There is none other God but Thee, the Help in Peril, the Self-Subsisting. [1]

Much like its parent faith Islam, these prayers are required in order to foster feelings of humility, faith, and devotion towards God, who in the Baha’i faith is the center and creator of every major religion on Earth.

The nineteen day fast stretches from March 2 to March 20, and is concludd by the Baha’i New Year, a celebration called Naw Ruz.  The fast is to be performed during daylight hours during whcih I will not be eating anything.  During the entire week I will be abstaining from carnal things like sex, alcohol, drugs, and video games (gulp).  If you can think of anything else I should avoid then I’m all ears, I really want to make these nineteen days count for something.  As to the purpose of the fast, the former head of the Baha’i Faith, Shoghi Effendi puts it quite well.

It is essentially a period of meditation and prayer, of spiritual recuperation, during which the believer must strive to make the necessary readjustments in his inner life, and to refresh and reinvigorate the spiritual forces latent in his soul. Its significance and purpose are, therefore, fundamentally spiritual in character. Fasting is symbolic, and a reminder of abstinence from selfish and carnal desires. [2]

Frankly this sounds like something I could really use, doubly so since I kind of ignored similar perscriptions during Taoism.

Wish me luck!

[1] Baha'i Reference Library- Prayers and Meditations by Baha'u'llah p. 314

[2] Baha'i Reference Library- Directives from the Gaurdian pp. 27-29